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What do you like about your anxiety?
This is a question I’ve asked many of my patients. Unsurprisingly, almost everyone’s initial response is “nothing.” But over time (especially in people who are determined to get the most out of their unpleasant experiences) I’ve seen anxiety become a gift that re-orients people in a profound way.
I’ve learned many strategies for managing anxiety directly, some of which I shared in my
last article. They can really help. However, my greatest intention isn’t merely that we can effectively manage anxiety when it arises, but that our basic orientation is to be attuned to what’s good, what’s working, and what we
love about life.
So this time I’m going to share self-care practices to guide you back to the love beneath that fear.
It’s true that fear isn’t usually a
healthy expression of love, but sometimes it is – like when love spurs fear in a parent and they rush into harm’s way to save a child. Most of the time we’re afraid, though, the underlying love is so contorted by the mind that it doesn’t feel like love at all. It just feels nasty and horrible, and we get into a vicious circle whereby the feeling prompts fearful thoughts and the thoughts heighten the feelings, and so on.
But deeper than all of that craziness, we love life, we love ourselves, and we love others. I would like to invite you this week to bring your anxious feelings back to the loving point of their origin.
1) Practice good posture. Having a straight spine automatically helps you to breathe more fully. It also has a subtle effect on your mood. It’s easier to feel threatened, weak, or like a victim when you’re slouching; conversely, when you sit or stand tall, with a straight spine, you’ll naturally feel clearer and more confident.
2) State the facts (in the morning and always). What you do in the morning affects your whole day, so start with a brief and enthusiastic session of truth telling. What is good right now? Are you alive? Are you breathing? Did the sun rise again? Do you have enough to eat? Say it.
Who do you choose to be today? A light-hearted person? A truth-telling person? An emissary of love in the world? A devoted servant to the highest good of the world? Say it.
Pausing, noticing, and stating the facts about what’s good in your life is like hitting the save button. It programs your mind to continue to spot the good stuff. It reconfigures you for peace.
And stating the facts during fearful times is like becoming a warrior with a razor sharp sword. With your loving fierceness, you cut through the collective illusions and emotional fog, reminding yourself and others,
We didn’t jump into the world just so we could cower from life. The truth is bigger (and better) than the story we’re telling each other.
3) Get connected to the elements. Spend time in nature, ideally including some direct contact of skin to earth and natural bodies of water. Some people with anxiety also report that they feel much better with sun exposure. Others feel a benefit from sitting in front of a fire or even several candles. Besides helping to realign you with the rhythm of the natural world, it’s also a nice break from your electronic devices and media.
4) Establish a daily routine and stick to it. Predictability helps stabilize a wayward mind and helps the body get into a consistent rhythm. This means setting a regular bedtime and wake time, having meals at the same time each day, exercising on a regular basis at the same time, meditating at the same time, bathing at the same time, etc. Of course, your routine shouldn’t be strict in a way that generates stress if you stray from it – it’s something you do out of kindness for yourself.
5) Love actively. There’s no use in trying to obliterate fear. That would be like trying to destroy the sound of ‘middle C’ on a piano. Fear is a frequency of energy. No matter how you train yourself to cut it out of your life, you can always call it up again. Instead, focus on the love beneath.
What do you
love that your mind tells you is threatened? Give your attention to loving what you love instead. Love is so much stronger and bigger than fear, and unlike fear, love is a unifying and creative force. If you’re out of practice, find the things that are easiest to love, like kittens and donuts, and feel the love opening your heart. Then practice expanding that love to envelop yourself, your neighbor, your houseplants . . . and your fear. Then go bigger.
All along, keep opening your heart. Just imagine it opening like a golden ring in the center of your chest. Learn to feel when it closes, and patiently open it again and again and again.
Love will prevail. Always.
Dr. Peter Borten
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This Saturday is the beginning of the Chinese New Year. One year ago, I remember thinking about the approaching Year of the Fire Monkey and wondering how it would play out. The monkey, much like Curious George, is known for causing havoc. And given the particular elemental qualities at play, experts of feng shui and the Chinese zodiac predicted a year of strong personalities, violent clashes, craziness, trickery, and turning convention on its head. Just picture a couple of monkeys on fire running around in your house.
I don’t put a tremendous amount of stock into these predictions. In fact, I usually forget about them a few weeks into the year. But in 2016, I often found myself distracted by the political theatrics despite myself. It reminded me of the time a monkey jumped on me in Mexico and firmly latched onto my ear with its sharp little teeth. Not only was it uncomfortable, it was quite difficult for me to extract myself from the situation.
Of course, there’s no way to prove that the events of 2016 were caused by its Chinese zodiac attributes, but if the Fire Monkey helps us frame our understanding of the year in a useful way, I think it has served its purpose. Or at least it makes us curious about the next animal.
On January 28th, we enter the Year of the Fire Rooster. Each of the different animals is a symbol for a natural dynamic; some of the interpretations are intuitive and others are a bit of a stretch. In the case of the rooster, let’s start with the one thing everyone knows about roosters by the time they’re three years old. When they see the sun rise, they yell, “Cock-a-doodle-doo!” I believe this translates roughly to, “Wake up!”
Second, they roost. That is, they sit up on something high and watch over several nests. From their roosting spot, they have a position of vision. In numerous spiritual traditions, the rooster is regarded as an intermediary of communication with the Divine; perhaps this notion comes from the high and watchful position the rooster occupies. When the roosting rooster sees something he doesn’t like (such as another rooster moving in), he yells some more.
Third, they fight. Roosters are naturally aggressive toward other roosters, a fact exploited around the world in cockfighting. Roosters are groomed and modified – sometimes with blades attached to their legs – where this blood sport is popular. In Bali, cockfighting is actually a religious ritual (“tabuh rah”) – the losing bird is considered a sacrifice to appease evil spirits – performed at every temple.
The element of the year combines with the animal to color its influence. This year it’s fire, and I think that’s a good sign. Fire’s nature is to illuminate. Its ability to shed light into the darkest corners heralds a time of transparency and clarity.
So, how can we interpret these characteristics as we look hopefully toward the coming year? Well, as I see it, there are two kinds of roosters: the evolved rooster and the base rooster. One proclaims the return of the light and tells everyone to wake up. The other sees only enemies and opportunities to assert his dominance. One roosts up high and views the big picture. The other struts around on the ground looking for a fight.
Each of us has the potential to embody the qualities of an evolved rooster or a base rooster, and I’m betting that we’re going to lean more toward evolution this year. It’s time to wake up.
[post_title] => Cock-a-doodle-doo: Time to Wake Up
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Take a deeper dive into pain relief with the Live Pain Free e-course
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What do you like about your anxiety?
This is a question I’ve asked many of my patients. Unsurprisingly, almost everyone’s initial response is “nothing.” But over time (especially in people who are determined to get the most out of their unpleasant experiences) I’ve seen anxiety become a gift that re-orients people in a profound way.
I’ve learned many strategies for managing anxiety directly, some of which I shared in my
last article. They can really help. However, my greatest intention isn’t merely that we can effectively manage anxiety when it arises, but that our basic orientation is to be attuned to what’s good, what’s working, and what we
love about life.
So this time I’m going to share self-care practices to guide you back to the love beneath that fear.
It’s true that fear isn’t usually a
healthy expression of love, but sometimes it is – like when love spurs fear in a parent and they rush into harm’s way to save a child. Most of the time we’re afraid, though, the underlying love is so contorted by the mind that it doesn’t feel like love at all. It just feels nasty and horrible, and we get into a vicious circle whereby the feeling prompts fearful thoughts and the thoughts heighten the feelings, and so on.
But deeper than all of that craziness, we love life, we love ourselves, and we love others. I would like to invite you this week to bring your anxious feelings back to the loving point of their origin.
1) Practice good posture. Having a straight spine automatically helps you to breathe more fully. It also has a subtle effect on your mood. It’s easier to feel threatened, weak, or like a victim when you’re slouching; conversely, when you sit or stand tall, with a straight spine, you’ll naturally feel clearer and more confident.
2) State the facts (in the morning and always). What you do in the morning affects your whole day, so start with a brief and enthusiastic session of truth telling. What is good right now? Are you alive? Are you breathing? Did the sun rise again? Do you have enough to eat? Say it.
Who do you choose to be today? A light-hearted person? A truth-telling person? An emissary of love in the world? A devoted servant to the highest good of the world? Say it.
Pausing, noticing, and stating the facts about what’s good in your life is like hitting the save button. It programs your mind to continue to spot the good stuff. It reconfigures you for peace.
And stating the facts during fearful times is like becoming a warrior with a razor sharp sword. With your loving fierceness, you cut through the collective illusions and emotional fog, reminding yourself and others,
We didn’t jump into the world just so we could cower from life. The truth is bigger (and better) than the story we’re telling each other.
3) Get connected to the elements. Spend time in nature, ideally including some direct contact of skin to earth and natural bodies of water. Some people with anxiety also report that they feel much better with sun exposure. Others feel a benefit from sitting in front of a fire or even several candles. Besides helping to realign you with the rhythm of the natural world, it’s also a nice break from your electronic devices and media.
4) Establish a daily routine and stick to it. Predictability helps stabilize a wayward mind and helps the body get into a consistent rhythm. This means setting a regular bedtime and wake time, having meals at the same time each day, exercising on a regular basis at the same time, meditating at the same time, bathing at the same time, etc. Of course, your routine shouldn’t be strict in a way that generates stress if you stray from it – it’s something you do out of kindness for yourself.
5) Love actively. There’s no use in trying to obliterate fear. That would be like trying to destroy the sound of ‘middle C’ on a piano. Fear is a frequency of energy. No matter how you train yourself to cut it out of your life, you can always call it up again. Instead, focus on the love beneath.
What do you
love that your mind tells you is threatened? Give your attention to loving what you love instead. Love is so much stronger and bigger than fear, and unlike fear, love is a unifying and creative force. If you’re out of practice, find the things that are easiest to love, like kittens and donuts, and feel the love opening your heart. Then practice expanding that love to envelop yourself, your neighbor, your houseplants . . . and your fear. Then go bigger.
All along, keep opening your heart. Just imagine it opening like a golden ring in the center of your chest. Learn to feel when it closes, and patiently open it again and again and again.
Love will prevail. Always.
Dr. Peter Borten
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Thank you so much for these excellent articles!
I am wondering, do you have any advice in dealing with the upcoming time change? I experience a slight anxiety each spring and fall when daylight savings changes. What is the best way to transition the body to the back and forth of this?
Hi Dini,
You’re welcome. I’m glad you’ve liked them.
As for the time change, I think the best thing you can do is stay connected to the earth. The earth element in Chinese thought is considered to be the most stable. The earth always spins on its axis at the same rate, always revolves around the sun at the same pace, the plates of the earth move at an incredibly slow pace, earthen structures (like the pyramids) last a long, long time. So there’s a consistency to it, and by spending lots of time outdoors, you’ll be more aligned with the earth itself and its innate consistency. Because, of course, nothing is really changing except what we’re CALLING the current time. I think the more time you spend outside, the easier this will be.
Another option could be this: As we approach Daylight Savings (the spring forward, where we’re calling the time an hour later than it really is), if you have a schedule that requires that you start work at the same time each day, you’re basically going to need to wake up an hour earlier than you have been, so, if possible, you could prepare for that shift by gradually waking up earlier each day until you’re waking up an hour earlier than your usual time. Then, when the clocks change, you’ll wake at the same (new) time you’ve gotten used to, but it will now be your “old” time. At the other end (fall) in preparation to “fall back” you could potentially wake a little later each day until you’re waking an hour late. (The only issue, of course, is that with the spring time change your bedtime will suddenly change, too, but you can gradually adjust to that, too, after the change happens.)
Hope that helps.
Thank you so much for your wonderful articles! I really resonated with bringing more conscious awareness to these cycles and am enjoying a deeper connection to my body’s rhythms from this new knowledge. Amazing!
You’re welcome, Esme. I’m glad these articles have benefited you!
Be well,
Peter
Thank you so much for this series! I ran into this concept a little while before you published part 1, and you’ve really clarified a lot for me. I’m wondering, is it different in any way for children? And is there an ideal time for lunch or is that excluded? Thank you!
You’re welcome. The same general flow applies to kids. Lunch isn’t specifically addressed by this system, but I think having it around noon makes sense for two reasons. One is that in Ayurvedic medicine, the sun, as a ball of fire, is considered to parallel the rise and fall of our digestive fire; so the digestive fire is seen as strongest when the sun is highest in the sky. Second is that Small Intestine time is from 1-3, and it takes some time for the food to get to the small intestine after consuming it.
Be well,
Peter