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[post_content] => If you were birthed by Earth, then every pebble and plant is your sibling.
Last week I wrote about animism, the belief that all things possess a spirit. Animistic cultures are incredibly widespread – chances are, if you didn’t grow up in one, you’re descended from one. But these sensibilities have been largely supplanted by science. Science and spirituality are often at odds, and the science-oriented developed world generally disbelieves in spirituality – especially in a form so different from our monotheistic religions. This might not be a problem if a reductive, nonspiritual orientation met all our needs, but I believe we’ve lost something along the way.
Scientists and animists alike can agree that a rock isn’t biologically alive in quite the same way that, say, a bird is. But the scientist wouldn’t be scientific if they assumed that this means we can’t be in relationship with both. A person who believes a rock doesn’t possess a spirit has no understanding of what life would be like if they did.
The animistic perspective transforms a thing we use into someone we relate to. Our surroundings turn from scenery into family members. Just as it’s relatively easy to perceive the personality of a pet and recognize it as a member of the family, an animist would extend such personhood to all aspects of their world.
Could you be open to experiencing the personality of your favorite tree or stream or mountain? Have you ever felt inexplicably drawn to a certain place in your yard, your home, or the park? It’s where you feel naturally most comfortable, maybe also safer, more focused, even more powerful. What is it that your inner compass is tuning in to?
Beyond the ways in which such an orientation might enrich your subjective experience of your surroundings, there are potentially global repercussions to remembering and being reverent of the spirit of the world – even if we don’t fully embrace the animistic view.
Dr. John Reid of the Ngai Tahu Research Centre in New Zealand explains that when we mistreat the world through disregard for the spirit within, it becomes a vicious circle. Lacking a conscious relationship with nature, we take from pristine resources with no restraint, then we dump our waste back into them. This diminishes what the Maori call its mauri (lifeforce), and the reduction in its vitality makes it less supportive to humans. This willfully ignorant behavior and the hardship that results from it diminishes the mana (dignity / power / authority) of the humans involved.1 The weakened mana of the humans causes them to act in increasingly desperate and irreverent ways, and the cycle continues.
It's possible to transform this situation into a virtuous cycle, but it requires coming into right relationship with our planet. This means humbling ourselves and perhaps taking a cue from animistic cultures. If that sounds good to you, I encourage you to take another week to relate to your surroundings differently than usual.
What happens when you ask before taking? What happens when you give thanks to everything you encounter? What happens when you open yourself to the existence of a spiritual world? What happens when you feel into the dynamic between your body and the elements around you? What happens when you bring greater awareness to the act of consuming something? What happens if you do the same when throwing something away? What happens when you listen?
I believe that bringing consciousness to these relationships yields great benefits. Perhaps we stand to make our planet habitable by humans for longer, but for certain we enrich our mana as we re-weave ourselves into the living tapestry of this exceptional, gorgeous planet.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
1. Informative Maori dictionary here: https://maoridictionary.co.nz/
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[post_content] => June 22nd is my wife Briana’s birthday. She’s the Dragontree’s founder and fearless leader.
On the way to art school at age 18, she was in a car accident and broke her neck. It changed the course of her life. She never made it to art school, instead spending the following six months in a brace at home in Montana. During her rehabilitation period she received massage and this kindled an interest in the healing arts.
She decided to go to massage school in Portland, and later to California College of Ayurveda to learn the traditional medical system of India. When we met, she was a massage therapist at a little spa in Portland and also a professional belly dancer. Less than a year later, she was opening her own spa. She was just 23 then.
I helped with the planning and painting, but she has always been the engine and visionary. I’ve watched her grow tremendously in the 20 years that we’ve been together. Besides her business acumen, she has an incredible knack for making spaces beautiful. She’s an amazing mother and wife. She is generous and kind and funny. She’s a pretty good guitar player, too.
The funny thing is, for probably the first 15 years we were together she had these moments of insecurity when she would ask me with despair in her voice, “What am I doing with my life?!” It was as if she saw herself as floundering and aimless.
It’s interesting how outsiders sometimes see our gifts more clearly than we do. In this case, my response came so easily. “Well,” I would say, “you have built spas where thousands of people have come to feel better. You’ve created programs and courses to educate, uplift, and support people’s healing. You’ve written books. You’ve provided jobs for probably a thousand people over the years. You’re a mother and wife. You beautify the world. You’re a great friend. You’re always trying to be your best self. You’re good at Boggle – though not as good as me. I think that’s a pretty good start.”
I’m not sure if what I said was helpful in a lasting way. But over time, and especially as she began to do more spiritual and coaching work, there was an ever-growing group of people who said to her, “You changed my life for the better.” And I think it started to sink in. She doesn’t ask me what she’s doing with her life anymore.
From all of us whose lives have been made better by our association with you, Briana Borten, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! We love you.
[post_title] => Happy Birthday, Briana!
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[post_content] => Last week I saw a show by a troop of comedians at a tiny theater in Montana. Though they were talented, I didn’t find myself laughing much at the recurring “battle of the sexes” theme. The men accused the women of being frigid and overly emotional. The women complained that the men need to be mothered and only care about sex. And back and forth it went. Sure, there’s comic relief in sharing about our common issues, but as I sat there seeing men and women cast somewhat bitterly in these one-dimensional ways, I couldn’t help thinking, “Are we really still doing this?”
In my previous article, we looked at the role that attitude plays in the health and sustainability of a relationship. Of course, you can’t make your partner change their attitude, but it’s worth fully exploiting the potential of your own attitude before concluding that the relationship isn’t going to work. One way to be responsible for your attitude is by abstaining from relating your partner as a stereotype.
I believe almost everyone does this to an extent. It’s difficult to banish from our minds the ideas we have about men, women, and humans in general. Even if your partner isn’t a typical male or female, your conditioning can cause you to relate to them based on ideas and experiences from the past. And even when you relate to someone simply based on your ideas about that specific person – rather than whoever they are in this very moment – this may still serve as an impediment to authentic connection.
Practice presence with them. It’s good to start with a relatively casual conversation. Let both parties be innocent – try to enter the conversation without judgment, expectations, or lenses. Who knows what might happen and how you might see the other person if you were to enter the exchange with absolute freshness.
See if you can internally choose when to talk and when to listen. When it’s your turn to listen, don’t think about what you’re going to say next. Just listen. Listen with your ears and eyes and heart. Breathe slowly and fully.
What else is involved in “your work”? Here are some examples:
To the extent that you actively work to resolve past experiences (especially traumatic ones) that infringe on your current ability to show up “cleanly” with your partner, you will benefit.
To the extent that you work to deactivate your “buttons” which cause you to make you react disproportionately to relatively benign behaviors by your partner, you will benefit.
To the extent that you choose to show up in your relationship with as much presence and enthusiasm as you can muster, you will benefit.
To the extent that you take responsibility for your baggage, attitude, communication, and interpretations, you will benefit.
To the extent that you choose to remember and honor your commitment (assuming, of course, that neither party is getting hurt by remaining together), you will benefit.
All these benefits are yours whether or not the relationship survives, and the chances of its survival are so much greater when you’re an active and responsible participant in the above ways. Further, if you’re not in a relationship but want to be, doing your work will make for a healthier relationship when the time comes, and it will also support you to make better choices of who to invite into your life. If you’re not in a romantic relationship and don’t care to be, this work will serve you in all your other relationships, including the one with yourself.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Relationship Repair Part Two: Do Your Own Work
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[post_content] => If you were birthed by Earth, then every pebble and plant is your sibling.
Last week I wrote about animism, the belief that all things possess a spirit. Animistic cultures are incredibly widespread – chances are, if you didn’t grow up in one, you’re descended from one. But these sensibilities have been largely supplanted by science. Science and spirituality are often at odds, and the science-oriented developed world generally disbelieves in spirituality – especially in a form so different from our monotheistic religions. This might not be a problem if a reductive, nonspiritual orientation met all our needs, but I believe we’ve lost something along the way.
Scientists and animists alike can agree that a rock isn’t biologically alive in quite the same way that, say, a bird is. But the scientist wouldn’t be scientific if they assumed that this means we can’t be in relationship with both. A person who believes a rock doesn’t possess a spirit has no understanding of what life would be like if they did.
The animistic perspective transforms a thing we use into someone we relate to. Our surroundings turn from scenery into family members. Just as it’s relatively easy to perceive the personality of a pet and recognize it as a member of the family, an animist would extend such personhood to all aspects of their world.
Could you be open to experiencing the personality of your favorite tree or stream or mountain? Have you ever felt inexplicably drawn to a certain place in your yard, your home, or the park? It’s where you feel naturally most comfortable, maybe also safer, more focused, even more powerful. What is it that your inner compass is tuning in to?
Beyond the ways in which such an orientation might enrich your subjective experience of your surroundings, there are potentially global repercussions to remembering and being reverent of the spirit of the world – even if we don’t fully embrace the animistic view.
Dr. John Reid of the Ngai Tahu Research Centre in New Zealand explains that when we mistreat the world through disregard for the spirit within, it becomes a vicious circle. Lacking a conscious relationship with nature, we take from pristine resources with no restraint, then we dump our waste back into them. This diminishes what the Maori call its mauri (lifeforce), and the reduction in its vitality makes it less supportive to humans. This willfully ignorant behavior and the hardship that results from it diminishes the mana (dignity / power / authority) of the humans involved.1 The weakened mana of the humans causes them to act in increasingly desperate and irreverent ways, and the cycle continues.
It's possible to transform this situation into a virtuous cycle, but it requires coming into right relationship with our planet. This means humbling ourselves and perhaps taking a cue from animistic cultures. If that sounds good to you, I encourage you to take another week to relate to your surroundings differently than usual.
What happens when you ask before taking? What happens when you give thanks to everything you encounter? What happens when you open yourself to the existence of a spiritual world? What happens when you feel into the dynamic between your body and the elements around you? What happens when you bring greater awareness to the act of consuming something? What happens if you do the same when throwing something away? What happens when you listen?
I believe that bringing consciousness to these relationships yields great benefits. Perhaps we stand to make our planet habitable by humans for longer, but for certain we enrich our mana as we re-weave ourselves into the living tapestry of this exceptional, gorgeous planet.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
1. Informative Maori dictionary here: https://maoridictionary.co.nz/
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Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏼❤️
Beautifully written and explained!
You’re welcome!
I needed that. Always wondered why everything can be going along great then a shift happens and It stops. Now I know what I can apply to work thru
Perfect timing for this for me. Thank you.
You’re welcome. I think a lot of us are in something of a contractive phase. Here’s to grace and expansion!
What a lovely way of looking at allowing expansion or healing to ebb and flow as it always does. Choosing to lean into it gently so that you can move forward is great advise. Thank you.
You’re welcome. It’s definitely not our usual response to lean into something that’s uncomfortable, but that’s how we stop resisting and move through it!
Thank you so much. I’m starting my own business and have, several times, become so frustrated because I make progress and then it seems like I take 3 steps back. This new approach is a relief and will help me make faster progress. I will not fall back into the same mindset, but remember this “teaching” to help me continue to move forward.
You’re welcome, Elle. Right, it’s natural to not always be moving forward, not always be growing and building – just as the world around us goes through periods of decay and dormancy followed by new growth. Be well.
Very well said. Thank you. A reminder that I don’t always have to be amazing and totally energetic. just like God created the earth , the seasons, the phases of the moon and stars, so does my life moods and emotions be snd flo. Don’t fight it. Go with it.
Yes, Hollie. I think “go with the flow” is a pretty profound lesson (and the essence of Daoism). Wishing you smooth flow.
You are an inspiration to me each day. No love reading your posts and realizing how it touches my life, my heart and my soul.
Thanks, Penny! I’m glad these words are finding receptive hearts and minds. Be well.
Book has changed my outlook and has initiated change from deep within. Great companion to the Dream Book. I’m coming to the spa in August when I’m traveling to Oregon. Full circle moment coming my way.
I’m so happy to hear it, Kristin! Keep up the good work! Hope you enjoy Oregon and the spa.
Wow, this was right on time! Thanks for posting this.
You’re welcome, CJ!
As you are aware, this is spot-on for me. What a relief to be in a community of appreciative, creative, open thinkers and sharing the timing to be presently intune. As your words emphasize to truly trust our journeys. I am suspicious and critique myself.when I am not productive. Although presently, I do not even have the energy to be judgemental, I am trusting that it will all be okay. Even when I am not “in control”. Either I am printing this is large font to read each morning, or it is time to purchase your book. Your insightful teaching of how to create an acknowledgement, go towards it, follow – we do not always have to lead. We are in this together. I can not tell you how much I appreciate this Community, never believing I find myself here, receiving warmth and encouragement and promoting growth. My outside circle is not flowing with the idea of stepping back to reflect, rest, while I explore my emotions. Out of no where came the desire to choose my own pathway. After years of climbing, I am demanding a rest in the hammock to prepare for whatever is coming. The fear fades when I read your words, thank you.
Thanks, Carrielee! I’m so glad these teachings and this community have been supportive to you. I’m honestly amazed at how quickly the community has grown and what enthusiastic and loving participation people have brought to the table.
Sometimes you have to take a different path than those around you, and they may feel confused or even betrayed by your choice, but I hope you can remain clear in the Truth of it for you.
Be well.
Grateful for you. Was reading ” Peace in Every Step” – Thich Nhar Hanh and practicing mindfulness …right on time
Thanks, Phyllis. I love TNH also.
Thank you. I will now look at contraction as a positive instead of a negative. It has a value aI had not considered before.
You’re welcome, Jan. I think the more you can see that contraction as a reflection of how the natural world works – the world that birthed us, after all – the easier it is to recognize that there’s nothing “wrong” about it. Be well.
Exactly what I needed RIGHT NOW! Gratitude <3
Glad to hear it, Faradae. You’re so welcome.
Yaassss! What everyone else said… Thank you! Thanks everyone!
You’re welcome! And, yes, I’m often so glad for the wonderful insights our community adds to the discussion!
Thanks to everyone for your comments. I honor your/our willingness to share & to do the work to heal, evolve, and awaken together. Thank you also for supporting our work and spreading the word!
Much love,
Peter
Friday the 13th brings me to this lovely writing that is EXACTLY what I needed to read today. Serendipity. My stomach has been churning and my sleep was not good last night so it was an amazing thing to remember that we are always cycling after I read this. Thank you so much for helping me find my reset button. So good to start out mindfully again. Warmest regards!
You’re welcome, Teresa
OK that’s a little spooky, she said with a grin. One of my favorite quote is, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. I have been hit very hard by my lessons recently and this text reminds me to turn in and to quit running. Your message is just one more example of how I need this book, planner, ritual….Message.
Thank you,
Lee
You’re welcome, Lee.
Thank you for this article!!! Its helps me sift thought what I am going through now – depression & anxiety. I was not able to explain why I was feeling this way, because everything is going along great and even growing as a mother, wife and human being. This explains a lot! 🙂
You’re welcome, Margaret. I’m glad you were able to change perspective.
This is so amazing and rings true! have your book The Well Life – will be reading soon… : ))
Thank you, Claudia. I hope you’ve been enjoying the book.
This is it! We forget the ebb and flow of life because something negative stops us in our tracks. I love reminding myself that “I choose peace” or “love” or what ever is appropriate in the moment, bringing myself back to knowing. When you think about it and are mindful of the process, it does make it easy to continue. Thanks!
You’re welcome, Kate. Thanks for remembering & sharing.