The Dragontree

While there are certain challenges that come with being a human, humanness also has its rewards. In my opinion, the greatest rewards are intangible, like the experiences of loving and being loved, of awe, of beauty, of deep peace, of achievement, and grace. This doesn’t mean we should renounce tangible rewards, though. By all means, experience all the world has to offer – sleep between fine sheets, wear lovely clothes, eat delicious food, live in a gorgeous house – just make sure you let yourself be delighted and inspired by them, rather than enslaved by them.

In our upcoming book, The Well Life (you can pre-order it), we encourage people to be clear and honest about what they want – both the intangible and the tangible. We call this “choosing your prizes,” and here’s an excerpt that addresses some of the hurdles people encounter in this process:

Just Choose and Trust

Many of our clients and Dreambook users have told us it’s difficult for them to choose their prizes, so they get stuck in this stage. The most fundamental reason why it’s hard to choose is a fear of regret. You think you’ll make the wrong choice or that you’ll miss out on what you didn’t choose. From this perspective, choosing may feel like a trap. Keeping many options open—by not choosing, or having one foot out the door—appears to protect your freedom and ensure a greater chance of success, since you’ll be available if something better comes along. But, if anything, the opposite is true.

When you avoid making a decision, you limit your success, because not choosing is, of course, a choice—a choice of avoidance and stagnation. Until you choose, you’re resisting the flow of life and impeding growth and progress. You may believe that if you keep thinking about it, you’ll eventually arrive at the perfect answer, but this state of analysis paralysis keeps you mired in rumination without action, and your fear of missing the best opportunity may cause you to miss the best opportunity. The perfect choice you’re holding out for may never come, and even if it does, you can still feel trapped and afraid of regret.

Action Creates Clarity

Within the fear of making the wrong choice is the belief that choosing one path will cause all the other options to disappear, but it’s simply not true. Besides, as long as you avoid choosing, these options aren’t even real. All paths are theoretical until you choose one and start walking down it. Imagine you’re standing at a crossroads. The roads extend only a few bricks in each direction because they represent options that haven’t yet been taken. A team of masons awaits your decision and will continue paving the road that you select, always a few feet in front of you.

You may believe that the right path should be more obvious. From this vantage point, no path may seem to lead to your desired destination, but the truth may be that you simply can’t see that far ahead. Perhaps the path curves around some bushes and disappears. All you can do is follow the signs, trust yourself, and start walking. The moment you choose, you initiate movement—the cure for stagnation. The path materializes in front of you, new choices appear, and, if you pay attention, you’ll be shown the next steps. The magic doesn’t happen until you really, wholeheartedly choose.

Making and committing to a choice can be tremendously relieving, even if you’re not sure it’s the perfect choice. As the saying goes, the journey matters more than the destination, but choosing a destination (or many destinations—i.e., your prizes) is of vital importance. What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want your life to look? What do you want to share with the world? When you consciously choose, you invoke a magnetism that brings a multitude of positive qualities with it, such as curiosity, amusement, fascination, momentum, challenge, and determination. These alone are worth the price of admission, but where these qualities will take you is even better.

Vision

Choosing your destinations wisely—and making them a reality—requires good vision. The vision we’re talking about here is the ability to project yourself beyond your current circumstances, to see yourself in the actualization of your potential. To dream. If you’re sick, it’s the ability to see yourself healthy. If you feel broken, it’s the ability to see yourself whole. If you’re in the dark, it’s the ability to see yourself in the light. If you’re dissatisfied with life, it’s the ability to see yourself at peace. Your inner vision comes from the true, authentic, unmanipulated You. While your physical sight and the predictive abilities of your analytical mind may help you see a few steps ahead, your inner vision will take you further. And, what you choose to focus your inner vision on is ultimately of much greater importance than the outward choices you make.”

If you resonated with this passage, you’d like our book.

Be well,

Dr. Peter Borten