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Last week Briana and I had a deeply gratifying experience. We led the first training of our advanced life coaches – we call them “Illuminators” – and it went amazingly well. They really lived up to their name.
Even before we developed the curriculum we had a sense that these people would be “emissaries of light” – shining light into their communities, seeing the light in their clients and calling it forth.
They were already a bunch of bright souls when they arrived, but the processes we did together helped them shed whatever veils may have been dimming their light, and they were truly luminous by the end of our time together. The biggest overall shift for the group probably happened during the breath work we did together – a technique known as “conscious breathing.”
Through simply breathing into all parts of themselves, many of our students were able to gain clarity on longstanding problems or release decades of pain. Some asked how it was possible that such dramatic transformation could be possible just through breathing. First, it’s worth pointing out that there were a few other factors: There was a safe, loving space being held by Briana and me, by our helpers, and by all the participants. There was an atmosphere of trust and an intention to heal and grow. There was music. (We should never underestimate the power of music to affect us and promote opening.) These factors amounted to a ritual – a container with a stated purpose – rather than just a bunch of people breathing.
Finally, there was the breath itself. To me, it makes perfect sense that we should all possess a profound tool for healing. The way we breathe can alter our circulation. It can change our thinking and shift our mood. It can alleviate pain. It can open our awareness to parts of ourselves that we’ve kept hidden. Plus, it’s free and it’s always available.
This is an especially good time of year to remember your breath because autumn is the season associated with the lungs in Chinese Medicine. It’s also a phase when we’re prompted to let go, like all the trees around us. Fall is such an apt name, since the sun falls to a lower arc in the sky, the leaves fall, and there’s a natural decline of light and energy around us. It’s common to feel a little somber at this time. But if we stay mindful and don’t cling to what’s changing – instead just breathing through it, watching it, feeling it without resistance, noticing its beauty – it can be a graceful process that helps us to go deep inside ourselves. During a period that may seem like a loss, there’s an opportunity to become keenly aware of what can never be lost. And every breath offers the same opportunity.
So, the next time you’re struggling with an unpleasant thought or emotion, I encourage you to try breathing into it. Take just a minute to drop into your body. While focusing on this thought or emotion, see what feeling arises in your body. Invite it to be here, even if it’s unpleasant. Try to get a sense of its shape, its weight, perhaps even its color or texture, and then take a breath into that feeling. Imagine it inflating and deflating with your breath. Stay with it for a few breaths and notice what happens. Does it change? Does it call you to look at something within yourself? Can you be brave and see where it takes you?
If you have a little more time, you could try taking ten to twenty connected breaths into whatever pain or problem is on your mind. It’s sort of like a mini-cleanse. Lie down on your back without a pillow. Set an intention to open this issue and receive clarity on it – or just to be energized and cleansed.
Inhale fully, letting the breath fill your belly first and then your chest. At the end of the inhale, without pausing, let the breath immediately fall out of your lungs (rather than pushing it out). At the end of the exhale, again without pausing, immediately start the next inhale (belly to chest). When you’ve inhaled fully, without pausing, let the breath immediately fall out of your lungs again. And so on. As you breathe, imagine that you’re drawing light or universal life energy into yourself, pulling it deep into every cell, into all parts of your consciousness, and into any hidden nooks and crannies.
This style of breathing is called “connected breathing” because each inhale is connected to the next exhale, which is connected to the next inhale, without any pausing or holding. You can do this form of breathing either through your nose or your mouth. Mouth breathing tends to be stronger, and may have a greater ability to help you access old information and emotions. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that on your own, have a friend join you, or stick to nose breathing. After ten to twenty breaths, return to normal breathing. Since you’ll be hyperventilating, it’s possible to feel a little woozy, so stay reclined until the feeling passes. Notice what shifts or arises as a result of this opening process. Are there parts of you calling for even more opening, or even more light?
Meanwhile, during this season of diminishing light, I encourage all of us to consciously notice all the light that remains. When we pay attention to it, it grows. Not just sunlight, lightbulbs, and candles, but also the moments of grace that appear – like the flipping of a light switch that brings insight during a time of confusion. And the luminous people we encounter, who brighten our day. And most importantly, the light within ourselves – our inner Illuminator – that fuels our passion and lets us see through the drama to the deeper story of love throughout our world.
Be well,
Peter
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When my wife was a teenager, her stepmother one day advised her that if she didn’t have anything nice to say to someone, she could instead try saying, thank you. Not long thereafter, my wife directed some teenage angst at her stepmom, who got red in the face and responded, “Thank you!” before exiting the room.
At Thanksgiving, I’m reminded of the many flavors of gratitude and the interesting power of the words thank you. These words come up with kind of an unusual frequency in our household, and it’s not because we don’t have anything nice to say to each other.
A major contributor to the rise of thank yous in our home is the fact that my wife and I have been trying for the past few years to teach them to our four year old daughter. She’s at an age when saying thank you is not yet natural. It’s a behavior to be memorized and executed habitually so that your parents don’t get fussy. On Halloween I had to keep reminding her, “There are just two things you need to remember to say – ‘trick or treat’ and ‘thank you.’”
I catch myself sometimes flashing a sheepish look at generous adults as I prompt her with, “What do you say, Sailor?” Later I might tell her, “I don’t want to have to keep reminding you to say thank you.” But that’s not really the way I want to teach her the specialness of these words. I don’t want her to say thank you out of guilt. I don’t want her to say it just because it’s polite. I don’t want her to learn that a steady stream of thank yous is the way to avoid any disruption to the process of gift unwrapping or trick-or-treating.
I want her to say it because she feels it.
When thank you issues from your heart because you feel gratitude, the last thing on your mind is what effect it might have on the other person. It seems a misuse of these words to hope to get something – even better rapport – in return for saying them. On the other hand, it seems silly to reserve them just for special occasions, unless you recognize that your day is full of them.
Sometimes a more calculated use of thank you can still feel earnest, such as when you encounter difficulties. Maybe it doesn’t arise spontaneously when things don’t go the way you want them to. Perhaps thank you is the last sentiment on your mind when, for instance, you find out you’re going to miss a day of your vacation because of a booking error. Instead, maybe you’re thinking, this sucks.
But, the smooth flow of life proceeds by some fairly binary rules. There’s acceptance and resistance, yes and no. Whether we think, this sucks, or, this isn’t what I wanted, or, this isn’t fair, or simply, no, we resist the reality of things, we generate struggle, friction, and conflict. I’m not saying we shouldn’t allow ourselves to think and feel these things (because, of course, that would be saying no on another level). But, this attitude is the equivalent of paddling against the current. What if we just get back into the flow and utilize the trajectory of life, but gently steer toward a happy outcome?
When, on the other hand, we think, yes, or, I’m game, or, let’s see where this leads me, or, I’m open, or… thank you, something very different happens. Not just in our internal experience; the world actually responds differently to us. If you look an obstacle in the face and say, thank you, you deflate its power to bully you. You state your anticipation of an outcome you’ll be grateful for. This Thanksgiving, why not try saying thank you not just for the good stuff, but for the challenges, too.
Thank you – for everything,
Peter and Briana Borten and everyone at The Dragontree
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Happy New Year! I hope that your 2014 is everything you want it to be and that you reach all of the goals that you set for yourself. It’s exhilarating to get a fresh year to create some amazing things, but often around the end of January we start feeling like it’d be easier just to give up, quit trying, and eat a dozen doughnuts.
We all go through this. You have an idea that you are passionate about and it’s so exciting at first. You make lists, talk to your friends about it, and possibly buy the gear (computer, running shoes, organizational tools) to do it. But then the work part comes – and it isn’t always easy.
But this isn’t the side of things that people talk much about this time of year. Right now is all about setting goals and intentions for your New Year. But, what good is setting goals if you don’t achieve them? I want to help you work through the hard part, the time when you stop caring, the time when your faith in your project has waned, the time when it just isn’t easy. Because when you work through the difficult parts, the real treasure is on the other side.
I would love to tell you that if you do what you love, every moment will feel blissfully effortless. If it were true, I would sing it from the mountain tops. But it’s not and that doesn’t mean anything about whether you should continue on the path or not. Just because you stop “feeling like it” in the moment, doesn’t mean you should stop. There are moments when everyone doesn’t feel like it any more, that’s because we’re human. We start to feel self doubt, tired, distracted. You are not alone in this.
Don’t quit on your dreams. – tweet it.
First, ask yourself how you would feel if you didn’t reach this goal. At the end of your life, if you looked back, would you regret not going for it? Or would you really not care? This is a great barometer of whether you should push through. Often it’s just self doubt that is standing in our way, but sometimes we truly don’t want the goal anymore. If it’s the latter – then by all means quit now and move on.
If you would be disappointed to not have at least given it all you got, then try these four steps:
- Take a break. Go do something completely unrelated. Move your body, get out in nature, go out with friends, get a massage. Give your project and yourself a little room to breathe.
- Reconnect to the reason that you wanted to do this in the first place. Did you want to be healthier, travel more, spend more time with your family, serve your community? Whatever the impetus was to creating this goal, put it front and center. Write it out and keep it in a place that you can see it daily.
- Get social accountability. Ask a friend to hold you accountable, or let the world know what you’re up to. It’s way harder to tell other people that we didn’t actually do the work, we quit, we gave up, then it is for us to just know this ourselves.
- Bring more joy. There is always the opportunity to infuse lightness and fun into every moment. Challenge yourself to see exactly how ridiculously awesome you can make it.
You can totally do it! When you’re in the depths of the work, be gentle yet firm with yourself and continue to move forward.
What are your goals and why? Write them in the comments below and then revisit them if you lose your gusto to get them.
It’s 2014, let’s do this!
Love,
Briana Borten and everyone at The Dragontree
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Last week Briana and I had a deeply gratifying experience. We led the first training of our advanced life coaches – we call them “Illuminators” – and it went amazingly well. They really lived up to their name.
Even before we developed the curriculum we had a sense that these people would be “emissaries of light” – shining light into their communities, seeing the light in their clients and calling it forth.
They were already a bunch of bright souls when they arrived, but the processes we did together helped them shed whatever veils may have been dimming their light, and they were truly luminous by the end of our time together. The biggest overall shift for the group probably happened during the breath work we did together – a technique known as “conscious breathing.”
Through simply breathing into all parts of themselves, many of our students were able to gain clarity on longstanding problems or release decades of pain. Some asked how it was possible that such dramatic transformation could be possible just through breathing. First, it’s worth pointing out that there were a few other factors: There was a safe, loving space being held by Briana and me, by our helpers, and by all the participants. There was an atmosphere of trust and an intention to heal and grow. There was music. (We should never underestimate the power of music to affect us and promote opening.) These factors amounted to a ritual – a container with a stated purpose – rather than just a bunch of people breathing.
Finally, there was the breath itself. To me, it makes perfect sense that we should all possess a profound tool for healing. The way we breathe can alter our circulation. It can change our thinking and shift our mood. It can alleviate pain. It can open our awareness to parts of ourselves that we’ve kept hidden. Plus, it’s free and it’s always available.
This is an especially good time of year to remember your breath because autumn is the season associated with the lungs in Chinese Medicine. It’s also a phase when we’re prompted to let go, like all the trees around us. Fall is such an apt name, since the sun falls to a lower arc in the sky, the leaves fall, and there’s a natural decline of light and energy around us. It’s common to feel a little somber at this time. But if we stay mindful and don’t cling to what’s changing – instead just breathing through it, watching it, feeling it without resistance, noticing its beauty – it can be a graceful process that helps us to go deep inside ourselves. During a period that may seem like a loss, there’s an opportunity to become keenly aware of what can never be lost. And every breath offers the same opportunity.
So, the next time you’re struggling with an unpleasant thought or emotion, I encourage you to try breathing into it. Take just a minute to drop into your body. While focusing on this thought or emotion, see what feeling arises in your body. Invite it to be here, even if it’s unpleasant. Try to get a sense of its shape, its weight, perhaps even its color or texture, and then take a breath into that feeling. Imagine it inflating and deflating with your breath. Stay with it for a few breaths and notice what happens. Does it change? Does it call you to look at something within yourself? Can you be brave and see where it takes you?
If you have a little more time, you could try taking ten to twenty connected breaths into whatever pain or problem is on your mind. It’s sort of like a mini-cleanse. Lie down on your back without a pillow. Set an intention to open this issue and receive clarity on it – or just to be energized and cleansed.
Inhale fully, letting the breath fill your belly first and then your chest. At the end of the inhale, without pausing, let the breath immediately fall out of your lungs (rather than pushing it out). At the end of the exhale, again without pausing, immediately start the next inhale (belly to chest). When you’ve inhaled fully, without pausing, let the breath immediately fall out of your lungs again. And so on. As you breathe, imagine that you’re drawing light or universal life energy into yourself, pulling it deep into every cell, into all parts of your consciousness, and into any hidden nooks and crannies.
This style of breathing is called “connected breathing” because each inhale is connected to the next exhale, which is connected to the next inhale, without any pausing or holding. You can do this form of breathing either through your nose or your mouth. Mouth breathing tends to be stronger, and may have a greater ability to help you access old information and emotions. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that on your own, have a friend join you, or stick to nose breathing. After ten to twenty breaths, return to normal breathing. Since you’ll be hyperventilating, it’s possible to feel a little woozy, so stay reclined until the feeling passes. Notice what shifts or arises as a result of this opening process. Are there parts of you calling for even more opening, or even more light?
Meanwhile, during this season of diminishing light, I encourage all of us to consciously notice all the light that remains. When we pay attention to it, it grows. Not just sunlight, lightbulbs, and candles, but also the moments of grace that appear – like the flipping of a light switch that brings insight during a time of confusion. And the luminous people we encounter, who brighten our day. And most importantly, the light within ourselves – our inner Illuminator – that fuels our passion and lets us see through the drama to the deeper story of love throughout our world.
Be well,
Peter
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awesomeness…that person was me….Marianne…I am free..
this is a beautiful reminder…i would like to have a bracelet or even a stone with this mantra; are they available
Thanks, Ludy. I don’t know where this picture came from, but we do not sell anything with this phrase on it. I would maybe look on Etsy.