CartThis month we’ve focused on the value and practice of relaxation. Here’s a rundown of the approaches I’ve discussed so far and a handful of additional ones, the most important of which is plain old discipline … or an easy substitute that I’ll reveal later.
- Remember: Working Hard Doesn’t Equate to Being Stressed. In my first article, I introduced the idea that work and relaxation aren’t mutually exclusive; in fact, my tai ji quan teacher specifically emphasized a practice of learning to relax during intense exertion. It is possible to be building a house or pulling an all-nighter to finish a report, and yet maintain a sense of ease all the while.
- Use Your Body to Feel and Release Your Stress. In the second article, I described a body-centered approach to gauging and facilitating a state of relaxation. Don’t get too hung up on what’s happening in your mind; your body is a more objective stress meter and an excellent “back door” to unraveling stubborn negative thoughts and emotions.
- Use Your Breath. There’s a saying in Chinese Medicine that our Qi (vital energy) follows our breath. If we’re breathing rapidly and shallowly, we’re likely to feel vigilant and on edge. If we’re breathing slowing and deeply, we’re likely to feel relaxed. Physiologically, deep diaphragmatic breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, which calms us. Do whatever you can to remind yourself to take long, deep breaths throughout the day, imagining you’re filling up the bowl of your pelvis with the breath. When stressed, focusing on a longer exhale than inhale can be especially good at calming you. Three more breathing techniques to consider:
- Alternate Nostril Pranayama. This yogic technique is not just calming but can also sharpen your focus. There are some variations to this practice; the form I’ve explained here is the way I was taught it by Amma Sri Karunamayi. Place the tip of your right middle finger on your “third eye” point between your two eyebrows. You’ll be leaving it throughout this exercise. Use your right thumb to press your right nostril closed. Inhale through your left nostril for a count of five. Then release your right nostril, use your ring finger to close your left nostril, and exhale out your right nostril for a count of five. Keeping your fingers where they are, now inhale through your right nostril for a count of five. Release your left nostril and close your right nostril with your thumb again. Exhale out your left nostril for a count of five. You’re back at the beginning again. Inhale through your left nostril, exhale through your right, inhale through your right, exhale through your left, and keep repeating. Even doing this for just a couple minutes can be very calming.
- Get the Tongue and Throat Involved. If alternative nostril breathing isn’t too complicated, this practice can be performed with a combination of Daoist and yogic (“ujjayi”) techniques to make it even more relaxing. Place the tip of the tongue on your upper palate and gently constrict the opening of the throat, so the sound and movement of the breath comes more from the throat than the nose. Your breath should sound and feel soft and smooth, like the distant whooshing of ocean waves. Imagine that the breath is coming in and out of the hollow just above your sternum, rather than your nose.
- Heart Coherence and Vagal Breathing. More recent relaxation technologies have focused on teaching people to breathe in a way that maximizes “coherence” of the heart’s rhythm and/or stimulation of the vagus nerve, both of which translate to a state of relaxation. My favorite of these are the products made by HeartMath, including computer-based devices, hand held units, and one that plugs into an iPhone. I’ve used them for years and often recommend them to my patients.
- Avoid Sugars and Caffeine. If you have any problems with feeling anxious or stressed, chances are, you’ll feel distinctly better when you get rid of sugars (juice, sweets, and ideally, even white flour products) and caffeine (coffee, mate, black tea, caffeinated soda and energy drinks, etc.).
- Sleep. If you’re stressed because of a big To Do list, you might think that staying up late to get things done will help you feel less stressed. But you’ll be less focused and productive if you’re sleep deprived. Without sufficient sleep, although you may feel tired, tired and relaxed aren’t the same thing. People who are both stressed and sleep deprived often experience the nasty combination of fatigue and anxiousness, since your adrenal glands step up to produce energy through the release of stress hormones.
- Be Disciplined. While there are sometimes biochemical reasons for not feeling peaceful, and while there are almost always situations that seem to be making us stressed, there are also repetitive negative thoughts involved nearly all the time. Without scolding or blaming yourself, try noticing these thoughts and how they sabotage your inner peace. Although we may feel that our unpleasant thoughts are being foisted on us against our will, there’s actually a certain kind of laziness involved in getting stuck in them. Often, we don’t question or challenge our stressful thoughts. On the contrary, we may spend big portions of our day indulging in them.
We may hope to find some sweeping solution – more money, the right drug, the perfect partner, spiritual enlightenment – that will make us perpetually happy, but in the meantime there’s nothing more direct and effective than simply catching ourselves going to these distressing mental places and STOPPING this habit. Ask yourself instead, “What’s going well in my life right now?” or “What can I be grateful for?” or simply put all your focus on whatever activity you’re currently engaged in, being “mindful” of what you’re doing, whether it’s driving your car, washing the dishes, or working.
I often think of the mental landscape as being like a giant house we live in. There’s a room representing every kind of mental-emotional state we can experience. You can hang out in the depressing room, the scary room, the anxious room, the fun room, the fascinating room, or the joyful room. It’s more up to you than you might recognize.
What if you had a very clear perspective of this mental mansion, and you noticed that a friend kept going into the anxious room, over and over and over. And they said to you, “I have all these stressful thoughts. How can I stop feeling anxious? Do you think I should take a drug? Should I change jobs? Should I leave my partner? Should I start an internet business? Should I stop eating gluten? What do you think is wrong with me?”
Sure, any or all of these things might help. But there’s one glaringly obvious thing you’d probably want to say. Something like, “My dear friend, you need to stop visiting that room. It sucks in there.”
I know – chances are, they’d respond, “But, HOW? That’s too simple.” Or, “I can’t control it.”
Just in case you feel like that hypothetical friend, I’m here to tell you from experience that you can control it. It’s an addiction. Remember: be disciplined. Did I get your attention with the title of this article? An easy substitute for discipline? Ha! There’s no such thing. Sorry, but I needed a way to get you to read this far.
Catch yourself going into that room. Forgive yourself for going there again. Be disciplined. Breathe. Feel without resistance. Be disciplined. Build trust in yourself. Be disciplined. Remember, you are so much bigger than your mind’s petty negativity. Make connections to people, Spirit, and Nature that remind you of what’s good in life. Choose peace. Choose peace. Choose peace.
Gratefully – and relaxingly – yours,
Dr. Peter Borten
